I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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