She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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