she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
