So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
