So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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