im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
