maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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