Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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