I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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