She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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