I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
