Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
