Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Please don't give away my fajitas
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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