we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
