After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
i think my cat just said my name.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
