Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
