Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
