i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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