Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
