tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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