I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
