I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
