I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
