I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
