due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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