I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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