also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize