I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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