i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
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