$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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