I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
