this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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