you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
