he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
