There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
