Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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