her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
