my being single is dangerous.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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