he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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