I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
