So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
