Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
