I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
