She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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