im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
