plz talk dirty to me
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
