There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
