Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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