meet me or not, i'm out of control
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
