I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
