Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.