It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
