yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho