Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.