Your face is a jimmy john
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
