At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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