You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
