Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
