If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Farmville is her only friend.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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