You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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