It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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