She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you had me at cake vodka
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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