I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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