My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
