I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize