I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
