omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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