Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
