she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
