You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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