He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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