You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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