I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
